Saturday, February 04, 2006

Self Comfort

I have read Scotty's blog as well as discuss with Mr. American regarding the hardship of being gay in 20-40 years ago. And it made me realize how lucky I am that I am able to be comfortable in my skin (for the most part) and not having to go through what these guys as well as many other had gone through.

I think I began to almost always be interested in male body which might just caused by my father... I remembered being little and watch a couple of movies with him (on seperate occasion) I seems to remembered that my mom was sleeping at that time and he was on the bed watching the video in the dark. Mind you it wasn't porn :pp

One of the two that I remember rather vividly is a sci-fi movie, about some astronaut who found either an astrorid or some satellite filled with people in crystal looking thing. They brought back 3 people, two male and one female and they taken those bodies out for testing. It turns out that they were some sort of vampire like being that suck life energy out of people and turn those people into dry body that would do the same to others. Now the thing I remembered that I find it rather odd then is the nudities. That vampire woman was naked (although the shots were from the waist up :P) And I think, alright so this is woman's body look like.

The second movie seems to be one of those cannibal movie, I am not sure if it suppose to be documentary or not. I think it was about an American family whose small plane crashed in Africa and the young college girl survivor has been captured and been forced into become one of the cannibal tribe (the same one that had either kill her parents or just shrunk their heads for ornament as well.) I remembered one part where she had been applied some kind of oil all over and been push into the middle of the village with narration explaining that she knew she has been placed as a prize for the strongest men of the tribe. I also remembered another part where she became pregnant and have to be away from the main village as the tradition of this tribe. And how her husband take off his loincloth (first male frontal nudity :p) to jump into the lake to get something. The American girl was blonde and bare chested I think all the time that she was with the tribe.

What I am trying to explain is that maybe somehow seeing naked women at such a young age, albeit boobies only :P, had made me lost interested in girls. As in there is no mystery to what would they look like naked as compared to the naked men which is still quite a mystery to me then.

I began to notice the gay magazine with the half naked men on the cover in my junior highschool years but never actually buy them until I found the secondhanded sidewalk stall in my highschool years.

The realization that I am attracted to men does not seems to bother me that all. Although, during my jr. highschool year commented that I might end up being gay since I am such a goodie two-shoes :PPP

Nevertheless, I never felt the urge or felt pressured into leading the straight life nor I ever attracted or wanted to do a woman :pp

So right now, apart from the worldly matters of money, felt like my job is going nowhere, the urge to travel to places where I can meet hunky GWMs, etc. I am totally OK with myself, apart from the usual urge to wants the muscular body and clearer skin and be better looking :pp I guess I am a well adjusted gay man. And I felt lucky that at least this thing fall into place.


Chaichakri said...

You must be really lucky na.... to be so comfortable with your sexuality. It would have been really different if I grew up in Krungthep rather than Kuala Lumpur....

I guess, I have to make up for the lost time! hee hee

savante said...

How cool is that. Btw. man, I'm actually going up to Bangkok next week :)