Quivering Mood

On the eve of my last day at work, I find myself quivering inside.

I will definitely be sad. But I must remind myself that I will be visiting once a week. It is a fairly big deal for me. I know that this is not something very serious. I am still working for the same organization, I will return to my current office at least once a week.

Unlike some of my friends who is worst predicament of unemployment or struggling to get by. As I wrote many times before, I still feels upset. Although not at the soul shaking level that I had before.

It will over soon... Then it will be the adjustment period to the new office and so on... Although I wish this did not happen. I deserve to enjoy my trip to Prague and Amsterdam without thinking about the move...

The Move is Coming

So it finally going to happen. This Tuesday will be my last working day at my current office.

It will be quite sad for me. But the consolation is that I will visit it every Friday. I maybe a blessing in disguise... Since my current boss will also leave to take another position in Europe in August. And the new boss, I heard, that he had a row with the head of Thai staff years ago. So it might be a good thing that I get to move. The work dynamic will change along with the new boss. This will goes both ways, both in the new and current office.

I decided to let the other guy get the Fri-Sat weekend this time and then we can alternate every three months. Since I will be on 2 weeks vacation soon.

In order to keep my mood up, I will just have to concentrate on the new Harry Potter movie. Which will be release in Bangkok on this week. I will go watch it on Monday, which should have less people by then. And then later that week I will began my trip to Europe. I start packing a bit already.

The Actual Move

Due to some circumstances, I think my move will be push for a few more days. This is not my doing, since I have finish on my parts, but the IT manager. Not that I mind nor complaining :pp

But it is still inevitable. I would like to know the definite soon though. Since the ComMart fair will be held again from July 2-5. I need to know when will my weekend be. So I will have time to go to that fair and buy new harddisk along with the external box so I can transfer my data after the switch. That way I only have to open my case once and be done with it.

I know that I am just whining now but I need an outlet to whine otherwise I would have gone crazy.

I also went to see Transformer 2 today. It was an ok movie. I sensed some flaws here and there but it was not too glaring. The 'Bay Bang' was numerous and sometimes, in my opinion, excessive. The camera sway too much or move too fast sometimes and focusing on the expensive special effects of the robots. Overall it was worth the money. Next will be Harry Potter 6 :D

No Raise, No How!!

The director of my office sent email to all Thai staff yesterday evening, to inform us that there will be 0% raise in our salary this year...

He cited several reasons but the gist of it are the economic recession, budget cut, and negative inflation. The email ended with a promise to look into providing some alternative package instead. All of which make the salary raise less justifiable, not counting the morale boost issue. Although I still think that even 1% raise would boost the morale of the staff, even if just slightly.

So now it makes me wants that promotion even more, although not by much. It certainly lower my already low mood about my own work situation, reading the force moving to head office. This surely is a sucky situation.

There will be a big meeting next week at the head office between the Thai staff association and the upper management. Hopefully something good would come out of that.

I am still trying to maintain positive thoughts about the move...
a) My new weekend would be Fri-Sat, which I preferred than Sun-Mon.
b) The places to eat in that area has a lot more varieties, it is close to MBK.

It's not a lot but enough for me to concentrate on.

The Harden Soul

Today my soon to be boss had, again, voiced his frustration on the lateness of my progress on work here and, again, said that he wants to me start working at the head office on first of July.

This times, however, the fact did not shocked me as much as it did before. I guess the repetition dull its effectiveness. It may sound strange but my emotion felt harden by this statement. I suppose I have come to terms with it, slightly, on some level.

While I am feeling stress and upset about my situation, I do not have a lot of people to complain about it to. My online friends who goes online often are not really good to talk with on this issue. Especially when one of them has been unemployed for months now. I know that my situation is not bad in comparison to other possibilities.

I must keep my head on straight and my mood in check. I hope that I will be able to come to terms with it once the move happens. I do have several leave days left after allocate them for my trip. I will start using it them once I moved.

A Tearful Remedy

I have been feeling down for the pass several days. I would usually feels a little better if I gets to cry.

There was a time when I was really upset about something and I feels better after I got to really cry in cinema watching 'Nang Nak'.

So today I decided to watch some videos that I have that would make me cry, I was successful. Then I also got to cry a bit over Oprah's show about puppies mills. And again over something on TV which I forgot.

In total, I cried or shed tears three times since afternoon. I think I now feels slightly better after relieve some tension with crying.

I also buy some Euro money today, finally, as well as complete my sneakers order. That also help too, I think. I do understand how people find spending money feels quite therapeutic. I suppose it gave you a sense of control and power to be able to buy whatever you desire.

I like shopping for groceries, especially when my mom still haven't moved out. I will call her and ask what she would like me to buy and add a few of my own into the list. All of which will be cooked by her later. Nowadays though, I just buy various fruit juice to mix with my protein shakes. Occasional shower gels and shampoo and that's about it...

Anyway, I really needs to go to bed now... This week could be my last week at my current office. I better tries to savior the moment. Although I will be visiting again at least once a week...

Soul Shaker

My soon to be boss that is... Today he gripe about how slow the progress of prepping the new set of computers has been and that I should have been moved already.

This is not good for my morale at all. I feels like I have borderline depression since last week or so. It manifest as the feelings of not wanting to go to work. The sinking feeling and bad mood of having to go to work. I guess it felt like I have been betrayed by the office.

I know that my own boss had tried to keep me but it was beyond his control. I suppose my resentment has been directed to the establishment. Lately I have to reminded myself that I need to have a job, this is a good place to work, and if I wants to return to this branch office, I better remain part of the organization. I am also torn between using my leave day to rest my nerve or coming to work here since it is likely I will be moved very soon. I suppose I can use it soon after I move.

It seems very likely that I will start working in the HQ on first of July. My boss told me in our weekly meeting that his boss said so but he added that it was not what they agreed on. He said he will just let it simmer and see how it goes.

Also, my current boss' contract is coming to an end. So he will leave the office in a couple of months to take a position in another country. Hopefully the next boss will wants to have an IT personal, that he will have enough pull to open the position so I can move back :P It was a really long shot but one can hope. Not that I would pinned all my hopes and dreams on that hypothetical scenario. I do have to concentrate on learning the skills that I needs for the promotion. I can't just let myself feels too down to learn all that. The prospect of getting promotion is, for now, far more realistic than being moved back here.

No matter what happen, I will still be back here once a week anyway.

My Funny Man is Going Home And That Sinking Feeling.

I spend today with my friend 'Funny Man'. He told me that he is going home to New Zealand in two months time and ending his four years of traveling around the world. The news shocked me quite a bit. It makes me feels like I lost a friend.

Although, in truth, we will still keep in touch so we will still be friend. Except that it will be quite a while before I see him in person again.

I also help him located the washing hose so he can buy one for his apartment back in Wellington. He really love it as the way to clean up after the deed was done. I hope he will be able to install it easily back home.

I am going to miss him. He is very funny, fun to hang out with and fun to talk with. He did invited me to visit him in his hometown and that I can stay at his place. I think I will take him up on that in a couple of years time.

Lately I have been plagued by the 'Don't Want to Go to Work' feelings. Which I think, was triggered because of my soon to be boss. He reminded me over the phone, when we were discussing other issues, that he wants me to start working at the HQ next month.

My heart and mood sank when he said that. While I knew that this is inevitable, it still hitting me harder than I though it would. I guess I am mentally not still want this to happen. I did not expect the sinking feeling to occurred. It seems that I was put this out of my mind until it hit me again.

When I tell my current boss of this, he said that it wasn't the IT manager's decision to make but rather the higher level manager. So we will see when will that happen. But we both agreed that it would not be for our best interests to prolong this more than it should.

I suppose it will be ok once the move happen since then I will accept that it actually happen and not just looming around the corner, making me worried like this.

I know that I am lucky that I still have a job, a decent paying one in fact. One that it allows me both financially and enough free time to start traveling. Yet my feeling is not in the best of mood to appreciate that. I will tough it out and see what happens.

The Consolation Prize

I finally called the HR manager today, since no one contacted me about the interview result. As it turns out, it was not all good news.

Although I pass the interview part, I failed the exam part. So, to compromise, the HR manager said the solution is for me to transfer my post without the promotion. It was not the best of outcome but it is better than the alternative of being laid off I suppose. She said I should look at this a development opportunity. Once I learned enough skills for the position, I can apply for it again in the future.

So it was not the best outcome but not the worst either. I did imagine what I would do with the raise in my salary. I guess I cannot put that in practice yet. At least I am not in the situation where I *need* that promotion just yet. But the added traveling cost will surely cut into my savings.

Although it was not quite how I thought it would turn out, at least this is over and done with for now. I am not complete happy about this, even more so now that I did not get the promotion. But at least I still have got a job and I know how hard it is to get one. The last remain issue, is when I will be moved to the HQ. So far not much has been progress on the move condition set by my boss. I hope it will not happen in at least 3 months or longer.

The Exam Commence and general Rants

I went to SSQ to do my test in my bid to keep/upgrade my position. The test was difficult, that much is true. The test was multiple choices with written part to explain your answer.

Most of the questions were network related, which are not my trade. But I muddle through and answered every questions to the best of my abilities.

Right now I am still tired from the lack of sleep the previous night. There was a road crew just outside my house working on something in the street with an engine that produce rumbley loud and exhaust fume that goes into my room... Not only they were here last night and tonight, they will be here for 2 more nights!!

I called the police and they sort of say that this is government works and asked me to call again later in the night. I will probably do so soon... I don't think I should take this without any complains...

I have not been contacted by Dell regarding the shipping of the monitor I had ordered. When I check the webboard that I ordered it from, the seller posted that the shipment of the lot that I ordered will be in BKK tomorrow :( Since Friday is public holiday, the goods will be delivered after Monday... That really screw with my plans to enjoy the big screen monitor during the 3 days weekends...

Hopefully I will not have problem at my visa interview tomorrow...

Making Progress

I have finished about 85% of the application with the guidance of my boss. I must say that I would felt quite lost with this had he not help me out. He likes what I write so far and he will help edit it before he went off to his holiday.

While I was not really stressed during the writing of it, now it's back at full force. To quote Big Daddy from "Raising Duncan" comic strip, now I feels like the devil is making a animal balloon with my intestine.

Now I could relax a bit and try to enjoy my Songkran holiday. I have a plan to meet my Australian friend who is moving to Hong Kong on Sunday. I am also contemplating whether I should buy new thumbdrive since I lost both of mine. Because I forgot to zip up the front of my backpack... Which lead me to lost mobile phone cable, camera cable, and both of my thumbdrive :((((

I also felt rather tired and sleepy but I do not want to go to bed and lost my free time... I recognise this feeling, the feeling that I wants to just stay in bed and do not get up. I heard of this symptoms many times on various TV programs that this is the symptom of depression. I do tried to keep my mood in check and try not to let this affect me more than it already has.

I will now concentrate more on my free time and that should do wonder for my psyche.

The Good News and Bad News

Today I finally broach the subject of my employment with my boss, regarding the rumors that I will be transferred to the HQ office.

With the corporate restructuring that happen recently, we were promised that there will not be any change. I guess that is not entirely true after all. As part of the restructuring, one member of the IT team decided to take early retirement. There will be just two of them left so that is not going to be enough.

The good news is that I will be promoted one step higher in the salary grade. The bad news is that I will be moved to the HQ. This decision, as my boss said, was made by people higher up at regional level. So this is not something that he, or even the boss in HQ (if they would), could protest or have any say. He said he did fought this but it did not make any difference.

I must say that I am not happy about this arrangement. While it's true that I will get more money and I am not getting fired. But I am perfectly content with my current situation. I love the fact that I could only walked to work, the workload is fairly light, and I have varieties of responsibilities other than IT related issues.

Now I have to look forward to travel to work, being in a close proximity with the bosses and less time to slack off :ppp

I am not suppose to know about this yet because they still ironing out the details of how I will be transferred. Also my boss seems to be able to manage that I will not be transfer anytime soon. At least not before the computer woes has been dealt with. Or at least, as the head of Thai staff speculate, until this boss got transfers as his contract expired.

While this is not entirely bad arrangement, I still feels horrible. I guess that I am not the type that handle change very well. I am not sure if this is due to the fact that we used to move quite a few times in the pass, before settled down at our current location. My boss did said that I have to concentrate on the good of it and not the bad. I also have to remind myself that it is not like I got fired and I can still come back to visit. I will probably got to visit at least once a week. I hope I will feels better after I woke up.

Although I will get paid more, at this moment I do not think it worth all the *monkeys* that I will be taken on. Before this year I will say that my job is relatively stress free. Perhaps not so much in the future.

Now I just have to wait and see...

Another Banned Youtube Account

**Sigh** My second youtube account got permanent banned because I uploaded *copyrighted* materials...

For some of the stuffs, I admit that it is not quite right to uploaded them. But geez at least one or two things got me banned was uncalled for. I suppose I would hardly understand why youtube or rather Google now, feels that they needs to policing the copyrighted material on youtube. Everything that went up there got their quality reduced considerbly that it won't worth much. I Know because I had download videos from youtube and rip the audio into mp3 for me to listen to.

I had checked the video clip with codec analyzer and found that the audio usually got reduced to 22000 Mhz and 64 KBit. Sometimes it even got reverted from streo to mono!

I am not sure if I will make another account or not... After all I had uploaded a bunch of stuff that is well liked by a lot of people... I am not sure if it would worth the efforts anymore.

Another Malady Occured

I came down with another inflamed throat due to infection... According to the doctor I had visited this morning.

I started to notice my symptom yesterday. After waking up way too early with the symptom worsen, I decided to go to the hospital. I must say I love my job. Because the health insurance I have through my work can be use at private hospital. I have got another set of those horse pill, Augmentin, again.

I feels a bit better, after two pills, I hope it will clear up before the New Year's Eve time :)

Another Hardware Breakdown

It's not as bad as it sound... Well not as much but still as aggravated as the others... My 'smalltalk' cable is broken, Again!

This is probably the fourth times I have to buy this thing. Nothing is wrong with the headphones itself, but you can't use it for anything else because it was so short. At first I was resigned myself to the prospect of having to spend another 500 baht on a rather necessary accessory for the phone that I am planning to replace in 3-4 months. But a quick search on the net and I found some cheaper options from other shops.

*sigh* I am looking forward to not spending money replacing this darn thing when I switch the phone.

A Couple of Disheartening Moments

Today I tried calling MusicMan and Mr. American mobile phone, using my office line. Since I figured that both of them seems to avoid not answering my calls and Voila! They both answer and then hastily say they are busy/in the meeting and please call later or I will call you back (consecutively).

I will try calling Mr. American again before I leave work tonight. If he still would not talked to me, I will hornoured his request to severe the tied with him. Which would not make much differences in my life since he did an disappearing act on me for the last 3-4 years. As much fun as it seems for me to keep beating myself over trying to keep old friends, I think it's times to adopt a new attitude and just cut away the quiet party.

Out with 200, In with 750 and Delayed Devotion

I finally made the purchase I have been itching to made. I bought 750Gb Hitachi S-ATA II harddisk. The day was certainly long, a lot longer than I would preferred for sure.

I began the day by taking an a/c bus to Zear rangsit, to claim my mouse. The right button was working half the times, and I thought there was something wrong with the computer at first. After wasting sometime at the claiming process, as the person in charge was out to lunch (I was there around 13:00). It was 14:00 by the time I left.

Then I took two buses to the shop that have the harddisk I want. It took me quite some time to actually reach the place. It was located in a village/resident area. I realize that they must do wholesales as well as there were about 10 or more customers waiting to get their orders.

When I finally got home, I began open my computer case. I began by brushing out the dust, and then began switching things. That when I realize that I do not have spare S-ATA II cable. Luckily, though, that an IT accessories shop near by have it. I began the data transferring around 18:00. However, I finally go to bed at 7:00. That's right seven effing AM in the morning. It was freezing up when I choose a lot of files to copy away. I ended up having to copying only a few GB at a time to help ease the problem. Finally, when I have had enough I select the last 21GB or so to copy and go to bed.

Then my office call, around 9:00... To ask if the cable TV, which have problem with late payment and results in signal disconnection, will still show the local TV. I said I don't think so...

I finally woke up, by myself around 11:30, about an hour ahead of my alarm clock. It was rather hellish...

On the brighter note, I found a new favorite song. 'Delayed Devotion' by the up and coming welsh singer Duffy. I was watching 'Tonight's Show with Jay Leno' and Duffy was the musical guest, performing her current single 'Mercy' The way she sang it, it reminded me of the older generation soul singers. She also rocks at singing live too :D I recommend you search on youtube for her live performance ;)

My Doomed XP

My windows is now inflicted with vicious trojan or virus... Something that the anti-virus and anti-spyware software did not detect...

I tried several things but none works.

So I guess my only option left is reinstall XP... Good thing I still have my XP CD.

Tonight I will do the installation... Not something I look forward to but at this point I have no other choice.

I suppose this is the high time to do some clean up to inaugurate my soon to buy harddisk. This weekend will be the high time to buy for sure.

Arrived Package and Another Short Circuit

The DVD I bid from eBay finally arrive today :DDD I just finish watching it and well... It still Very funny but I still have trouble getting all the references. Some I still know but some just seems too old. It was recorded of the 1982 show anyway...

It will be ready for Demon soon...

Today I brought my DS charger to the office, just in case I need it. And when I need it, it short circuit... For the third times... Luckily, I am scheduled for training in Siam Square office, it will not be long for me to go to Silom from there. **Sigh** At least they are nice enough with the warranty that I can trade it in without any cost.

Although I am contemplating an alternative...

An Upsetting Update

The new Memory Stick is busted, AGAIN!! However, I am certain that the real perpetrator is the card reader all along.

Because I have been using the newly claimed MS since afternoon and it working just fine. The problem only shows after I load my stuffs with the card reader...

Now I would have to wait until later in the week to claim it again... I wouldn't dare going again tomorrow... ***Sigh***